So, I've been finding it difficult to write for prolonged periods around work, life, and all the other daily juggles. To help keep things updated, I have been using Insta to try and keep updates going...
But it isn't the same! Blogging allows for longer and deeper thoughts that aren't lost amongst the scrolling etc. A friend encouraged me to get back to the blog and reminded me of why I started it, so here goes with the first attempt to share in a long while (bear with me as I ramble...)
Back at the start of July '23, I saw Ade Adepitan MBE give a talk at RecFest, a recruitment festival I was invited to.
For those that don't know, Ade Adepitan is a British television presenter and a bronze medal winning Paralympian wheelchair basketball player (the sports mad person in me was 100% fangirling when I had a chance to get a photo!!!)
His talk was titled: How failure made me stronger and during the talk, he discussed his early life, his journey to the Paralympics and gave tips during a quick facilitated Q&A.
Ever since that talk, I've been thinking about writing a reflective piece about our personal perceptions of failure, because it is a huge recurring theme in my life for many reasons... I am a product of the need to thrive and drive forwards, never settling and never accepting less than pure excellence. I always taught people that without failure there can be no success, don't get me wrong, people can get to some successes without failure however, most of us will make mistakes, errors and experience failures before we can succeed.
The difference however, is in the ways we perceive failure and the emotions these bring. Many of my very early, formative successes were framed as failures, because I hadn't achieved 100% or perfection and I was being prepared for a world where I would have to work twice as hard as most etc. This has meant that I don't perceive my successes in the same ways as many other people do.
Some examples, I was a teacher for over 12 years and improved the outcomes and lives of many young people (their words, they regularly still message me to tell me how they are doing...), however, because I didn't get everyone over the pass grade or out of the troubling situations they were in and I had to leave the profession because of the impact being in such an emotionally raw role (child protection and safeguarding) and other factors led to me acquiring fibromyalgia... ... ... I was married for a decade, and with that person for over 15 years... ... ... I had to shield for four months (and couldn't work from home as what I did at the time was not able to be done from home etc) - made me feel really useless and when I found a loophole to go back, I was made to feel like I'd had a fun old time at home (far from the truth and if it were the truth, why would I have found a loop hole to go back?) Anyway, I felt like I let my team, profession and the NHS down... ... ... ... but, here is the thing about failure; 1. there can be no progress, growth, development or learning without failure and 2. some things that we perceive as failures are not.
Jump forwards, and that 4 months I had shielding made me realise there were experiences I had that were being underutilised so when a secondment came up in the education team a few months later, I went for it (even though it was 2 grades above where I was) and I got it. 6 months into that secondment, I was encouraged to go for a role that was another grade above and I got it. But getting those roles was not the success, my success was how I inspired, lead, supported and cared for my team, because of the reason we want to do things, is because we are passionate and we care. My previous experience and the experience of how my health stuff was managed during covid has made me a more compassionate, flexible leader who ensures I see and work holistically to support the whole person within my team, and it is paying off.
So, here is the big question, how do we remove the obstacles and make opportunities for others based on our experiences of failure? How can we be enablers who drive change in a holistic, overarching and inclusive way?
One of the ways I do this is by utilising my experience from the patient advocacy work I have undertaken to widen my perception. Don't get me wrong, I don't always get it right, but my colleagues lift me up every day with some of the amazing feedback they give either directly, via 360 reviews or cheekily nominating me for awards. Recently, we had staff awards, as a new member of the staffing (at the time less than 7 months in), I received 3 nominations and was shortlisted for one of these.
"Nneka has been the most amazing appointment into the organisation. She is hugely committed to supporting education for our staff."
"On a personal level, she has really helped me within my role, challenging my thinking and supporting with engagement events I held."
"What Nneka has developed has been with the understanding that this was a process that needed to change, and she has encouraged everyone to get involved with improving it and also embracing this change by highlighting how it will benefit the whole organisation for the better."
"Nneka is truly inspirational, she has taken clinical education to a further level ensuring that it is visible, a top priority and shared across all disciplines, which is so important."
"She is passionate about what she does, which shines through to colleagues and trainees alike."
"Her engagement with all staff speaks for itself and I am really looking forward to seeing where all of this hard work takes the trainees."
"Her "can do" attitude in her role makes her shine, which is wonderful to observe, but most importantly is infectious and I am sure will lead to the achievements she wants for the trainees but also rewarding her for all her hard work."
Even in black and white, I still see all the things that haven't changed, all of the blockers, barriers and lack of engagement. I don't feel like I have made any significant change or had an impact on the organisation. Why? Because I am wired to get the best out of everything I do, I have been programmed to do the best, make the best of what I have, achieve even in environments where I am not enabled to thrive etc.
You see, there is this saying within the social model of disability, that disabled people are only disabled because of the lack of access to things within society. Whether it be stairs ev
erywhere, no access to larger print, lack of hearing loops systems in public buildings... the list goes on. So every now and then, I have to re-centre, reframe and check in, am I removing the barriers I can for others and can I support other in removing those that I aren't in my control but I can highlight and demonstrate the need for change.
No one person is an island and I need to continually remind myself of that because while I am trying to be an island, I don't have the additional lenses to prevent me from interpreting/perceiving my failures incorrectly and utilising my support network to breakdown barriers/blockages...
So, what/how are we doing, in all aspects of our lives remove obstacles and make opportunities for others based on our experiences of failure?
How can we be enablers who drive change in a holistic, overarching and inclusive way?
For updates since my last formal blog post please visit https://www.instagram.com/invisible30something/