I'm not writing this to boast, in fact it is quite the opposite.
For the last few weeks, I have been struggling. The darkside has taken over and I am only just about functioning...
This morning in addition to waking up the mini me and getting him ready for school, I got a message from a friend to say our university results were out. This was my final result. My dissertation grade. Pass (40%) and I finish with a 2:1 and I can start my radiography job and start a new career and a new life.
Backstory, last year I finished the summer of my second year on a first despite a bit of a rough time. Then my dad died in the August and we had the funeral in the September. It wasn't the best way to start my third and final year but it didn't get any easier. In December, my back went and I was unable to work and walk without crutches for two months. The latter few weeks were awful. I was flat on my back, doped up on tramadol and muscle relaxants and trying to go to physio... I missed out on a month of placement, two months of writing up my dissertation (I tried often but my writings were garbled. Tramadol, lying flat on your back are not conducive to writing a research proposal (my supervisor was kind but the main thread of her feedback was "I can tell you are off your face on pain meds").
So I deferred my dissertation and my placement hours in the hope of still making graduation in October. To do so, I had to get my hours completed within 2 weeks of everybody else's hand in date with over a month of hours to make up. We work 30 hour weeks in 4 days as it is. So to get my hours in, I was working 37.5 hours and more, having the mini me, writing up my dissertation and other outstanding assignments. I was frazzled but I did it. I made up my hours, completed my practical assessments and then I just had the dissertation to complete. I say just, I had the dissertation at the same time as planning out my hip surgery and how I'd recover etc etc.
But I did it, I completed the dissertation and like that, I had nothing. Nothing left to do. I had finally finished. So, since the 23rd of August I have been stuck at home, unable to drive and waiting in anticipation for this result. I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed and do well, I always have.
This morning I found out that despite all the odds, I have passed my degree. I more than passed my dissertation and I achieved a 2:1. Not quite the result I was working towards last summer. But everyone is so happy and positive and excited for me and all I can do right now is feel down and a little disappointed but that is the darkside's fault. I want to be happy and grateful and I hope that reading this back will bring it home to me how much has happened in the last 3 years and that I have survived it and come out of it the other side.
But, despite the darkside, I am so grateful for all of the support I have had through this all. The darkside does not make me ungrateful, but it does impact my ability to truly feel happy. I feel a bit numb and void but I'll get there, I always do eventually.
But yes, I will graduate in October and I hope my dad will be there with me!
