As I've previously said, as well as being hyper and a chronic warrior, I am a mother. Being a parent was always something I wanted, I am a very maternal kind of person and looked after all of the children in my family when I was younger, plus the teaching.
It was not however, part of my plan to be a single mother to an almost 6 year old boy, while currently non-weightbearing post surgery, with several chronic disorders and chronic pain. But most of all, the thing that really makes me feel guilty is knowing that I have passed on the HbS gene so that means the 'mini me' is a carrier. It is unlikely that he will have any symptoms and should be completely fine but, there is a chance he could have symptoms but a 50% chance he could also pass on the sickle cell gene to his future children etc.
So on top of the usual guilt all parents feel, am I teaching them enough, am I keeping them safe enough, am I being strict enough but not too strict, am I feeding them the right thing, am I... … …? The list goes on. There have been so many memes out there about parental guilt but, knowing you have set your son and their future partner or donor etc up for having to have genetic testing if they want to have children in the future. Possible complications from carrying the sickle cell gene etc. There was a 50% chance of getting the HbS or the HbC gene. The HbC on its own has less of a chance of complications.
But, I have a happy, healthy, beautiful boy who is fun, loving, compassionate, crazy, intelligent and very much like his mother which sometimes creates some interesting and fun dynamics. I love him more than anything in life and try so, so hard to be a good parent, adapting to make up for what I cannot do physically, pushing through the pain barrier, getting up and out of bed when I am in so much pain I would rather just hide under the duvet. The list goes on because you do whatever you can for your children, because you would die for them.
